Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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