Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
