His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
