bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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