Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
what the fuck happened to the tacos
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
