If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize