Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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