no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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