summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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