would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize