It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
