You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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