i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
