I cannot find my penis.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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