You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
