tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
