Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Enjoy the penises
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
