have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
