She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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