I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Boobs are out for the taking
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
