Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
