some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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