3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
