Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
