when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just found a bag of teeth...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
