...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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