my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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