Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
