I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
