Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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