I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
