All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
