i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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