Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
