Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
