Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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