I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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