HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
