I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
