But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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