three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize