I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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