I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
