Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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