...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
