I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
