You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
