Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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