She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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