Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
40s are totally the cure
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
