i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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