did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
