My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
