...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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