dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
kristin has been a bad kristin
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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