My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
