Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
