why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We had sex on a dog bed..
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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