after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
