Well douche your snatch and let's go!
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I wear drunk well.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
