What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
