I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
