I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
