you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
