Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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