If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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