Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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