so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
