mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
