We named our party play list daddy issues
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
