i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
