The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
