Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
