got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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