she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
