Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize