you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
