I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
