We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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