I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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