that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize