it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize