No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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