I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
