FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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