Already got asked if we're dating
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
