I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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