Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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