i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
