Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
