How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize