Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(402): View more from Nebraska

birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.

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(714): View more from California

Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.

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(440): View more from Ohio

I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee

(1-440): View more from Ohio

please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation

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(309): View more from Illinois

I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.

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(707): View more from California

nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.

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(410): View more from Maryland

I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.

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(602): View more from Arizona

It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...

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(863): View more from Florida

Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?

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