I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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