im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Shame - the story of my life.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
