I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
