In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Farmville is her only friend.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
