Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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