24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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