I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
