Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
