Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
