i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
