is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you win again, gameday.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
