No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Two words: nipple clamps
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