ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
