So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
