Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
