I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
