if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
People in love make me want to vomit
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
